Bullying; Not what it used to be!

The press and society call it “bullying,” but it isn’t the bullying that we think of from the past. We imagine the little boy who wears glasses, gets teased and called four eyes, or the overweight teenage girl who isn’t chosen for team sports. Another example is the bookworm who sits alone at lunch and his books are hidden as a “prank” by the members of the football team.

Today’s bullies go far beyond these examples. Those were the bullies of yesteryear. Now bullies are abusers, who use crippling verbal attacks and make vicious threats of sicking pit bulls on their victims, or record embarrassing moments to globally demean and humiliate their victim by broadcasting it on You Tube and the web. They cause unspeakable humiliation that can produce emotional trauma, psychological scars, and even lead to heightened levels of suicide.

The statistics are startling. One out of every four children between the ages of nine and sixteen are being bullied everyday in our world. A school age child facing this abuse misses about thirty-two to forty-five days of school per year on average. These children avoid attending because they do not feel safe at school, or on their way home.

Recently, the spotlight has been placed upon this wide spread problem. Not one, not three or four children, but a large group of children on a school bus unashamedly, were emotionally and verbally abusive to a bus aide. This act was recorded for the world to witness. The children involved thought it amusing to let the world view their hurtful attack on Karen Klein. This displays a sense of pride in their behavior. This behavior alone is deplorable, but the decision to share it with the world is even worse.

We must understand how these behaviors begin. Children learn by example; they are sponges soaking up information through experiences with their environment and peers as they grow. They develop thinking and behavioral patterns and mimic what they see, hear, and observe. While the community and peer pressure does play a role in perpetuating these actions and spreading the abuse, a child with an emotionally healthy home environment will be able to recognize abuse and respond appropriately with you, the parent’s guidance.

If a child encounters an incident like on the school bus with Karen Klein, they have to have the confidence and ability to walk away, not participate, discern right from wrong, and realize the consequences of making a bad choice. Those are the skills parents are responsible for helping their children develop, so they are armed and ready to maneuver through their world. As they mature what has been instilled in them will be revealed through their interactions and they will be equipped to act with respect for themselves and others.

Abusers are not BORN, rather they are created. Experiences teach us messages that develop into behaviors. It’s time for parents to step up and take action in the home by modeling healthy behaviors and speech patterns, and talking with your children. Your kids receive messages everyday from the culture and peers that teach morals, ethics, respect, and behaviors. Do they receive your input on these messages? You, the parent, need to guide your children into healthy thinking, life, and relationship skills.

Take this time while the hype is on “bullying” to talk to your kids. Explain that the behaviors they viewed on YouTube are emotional and verbal abuse. Teach them how to recognize abuse, and understand that it is not acceptable behavior and should not be tolerated toward them, or directed toward others. It is never too late to begin these conversations with you children.

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Dr. Michele
(904) 730-0775

Copyright (c) 2012 by Michele Fleming