Why Won’t Everyone Just Leave Me Alone?

I have counseled thousands of people and one of the questions I am most frequently asked is:

“Why won’t everyone just leave me alone and let me handle this myself?”

When your family and friends watch you make choices and behaviors, they are not looking through the filter of distorted thinking, which is a fruit of wounds, addictions, or compulsive behaviors. They may feel concern when they watch you deny a problem with anger, substance abuse, or an unhealthy coping skill. They may also see you struggling to overcome a negative experience, or they may hear you minimizing the consequences of your choices.

The characteristics of distorted or addictive thinking patterns have given you an illusion that your substance/event of choice, or coping skill is beneficial to fulfilling your needs and providing some benefit to you; however, this is seen differently by your family and friends from the outside looking in.

Remember when I say addiction, I mean an unhealthy relationship between negative behaviors, substances, or events which cause you to act out. This forces you to withdraw and isolate from others and creates a cycle of needing to act out once again. Most of the time when you want to be left alone it is a protection device to get people to back up and not mess with you, fulfilling your “perceived need.” Isolation is an enemy to healing.  When you have a faulty belief that you can handle this challenge alone, you’re in a type of denial that produces isolation and hinders your recovery.

I have spoken to many clients who wished everyone would leave them alone so they could handle it themselves; until one day their perspective changed. At that point you realize that you have been around this mountain before, alone, and you’re in the same spot once again. Friends and family who desire to help and support you are now recognized as a blessing and something you really need. Don’t confront this challenge alone, reach out and seek guidance and help.

Dr. Michele

  Copyright © 2013 by Michele Fleming, Ph.D.