VERBAL AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE CHECK LIST

Have you wondered if you’ve been a victim of verbal or emotional abuse? Verbal and emotional abuse can happen in any relationship including friendships, work relationships, families, dating relationships, and marriages. Carefully read through this list and see if any apply to you.

Verbal and Emotional Abuse Check List

1.  Have you frequently experienced hurtful comments?  Has your self-worth and confidence been undermined by derogatory words, phrases, and insults? These may be through subtle messages or blatant statements.

2.  Are you afraid to speak your mind, or share your thoughts, feelings, and opinions freely because they are dismissed as foolish, irrelevant, or ridiculous?

3. Do you feel you constantly have to edit your words or thoughts before speaking? Are you “walking on eggshells” because you are afraid of starting an argument or having your feelings and thoughts dismissed?

4. Have you found yourself making excuses or covering for another person’s behaviors and remarks?

5. Does another person communicate to you with words or behaviors that manipulate, shame, or guilt you into compliance?

6. Does it feel impossible to have a calm conversation where you feel validated and understood, or is the dialogue constantly interrupted and controlled by the other person?

7. Do you feel as if you have been punched in the gut, or as if the rug has been pulled out from underneath you?

8. Do you feel disconnected, disoriented, confused, or isolated?

9. Are shame and anger being used to control you?

10. Does the other person consistently block, counter, and divert the conversation so they are not held responsible or accountable? Is conflict resolution impossible? 

11. Are you often told that you are “stupid,” “don’t think,” or “cannot make a smart decision?” Does the other person roll his or her eyes, click their tongue, or sigh when you talk, sending you the message that you are foolish?

12. Do you question all your thoughts, feelings, behaviors, decisions, and discernments?

13. Does the other person divert his or her attention away from you, or just walk away before you have finished speaking?

14. When you try to discuss or resolve something that you found to be mean or hurtful, does the other person deny, minimize, rationalize, or justify his or her behaviors?

15. Does the other person try to say he or she never did a certain behavior, he or she forgot about it, or lie about what happened?

16. Do you find yourself being accused of never listening or being told that you “misunderstood again?”

17. Are you accused of being too emotional or sensitive, that you’re trying to start a fight, or blowing things out of proportion?

18. Are you called names?

19. Are hurtful jokes made at your expense?

20. Are your actions or words responded to with sarcasm, threats, yelling, put downs, or cursing?

21. Do you feel that you are losing touch with what is real? 

22. Are you told that you just need to forgive and forget?

23. Are your authority and decisions undermined or diminished in front of others?

24. Are you made to believe every problem your fault and that you are always the one to blame?

25. Do you know you are being hurt, but when you speak up you are minimized. Do you feel as if no one believes you or acknowledges that what is happening in the relationship is destructive?

If two or more of these questions make you respond with yes, you are experiencing behaviors that are verbally and emotionally abusive. You can learn to identify these behaviors in your life as well as in the behaviors of others. With help these systems can be healed. You don’t have to suffer alone. If you think you may be a victim of verbal or emotional abuse, please call me today at 904-730-0775. I want to help you.

Copyright 2013 Michele Fleming Ph.D.