Codependency Counseling

Codependency and People Pleasing

It is important to know what codependency and people pleasing looks like in your daily life; then you can effectively identify if you are operating in these patterns.  Codependency can be defined as a pattern of thinking, coping, life, and relationship skills, where you allow another person’s behaviors to affect you.  You become focused on saving, fixing, comforting, enabling, protecting, and rescuing them; you are consumed by what they think and how they feel. The behaviors of codependency include: walking on eggshells, avoiding confrontation and disapproval, making decisions based on emotions that you may know are wrong, and shielding others from consequences. If you have identified any of these patterns in your life, there are counseling services available to you and your family.  counseling services counseling servicescounseling services

Codependent behaviors are a response to the behaviors of an individual who is causing pain and stress in any area including the workplace, family, school, friends, or church. Most of us operate in some areas of our life with the traits of codependency, as it is a challenge for many of us to not be people pleasers, but a God pleaser.  Many people make codependency a coping skill pattern that controls their life and affects their relationship with self, others, and God.

Codependent behaviors were developed to survive your life experiences. They were created as a means of self protection and formed faulty thinking patterns and core beliefs that drove you into behaviors that may sabotage your life and relationships. These coping skills are destructive to the person operating in codependency, and to the person they are enabling. You must learn how to say “no,” “I refuse,” to the individual who is displaying unhealthy life, and relationship skills, blaming, manipulating, controlling, using, and abusing you.  You must establish boundaries and allow natural consequences in place of rescuing.

Codependency allows and supports bad, unhealthy, and ungodly behaviors. You may be codependent with your parents, husbands/wives, bothers/sisters, girlfriends/boyfriends, children/adult children, friends, employers/coworkers, and church leaders/members. These behavior patterns are founded on fear based thinking and you become hyper vigilant to hold everything, and everyone together while protecting yourself. Your trust is not grounded in God when you operate in a fear based thinking patterns, striving to control circumstances, and people.

When you operate in codependency you do not focus on God, but put yourself and others before Him. Thus, you operate in a form of idolatry and remove God from His throne, while placing yourself in the driver’s seat. You do this erroneously to self-protect and meet your needs in unhealthy and ungodly ways. This is how you depend on self… taking God off His throne; you place yourself on the throne to solve every problem and be in control of situations.

God created us to need each other, to be in relationship with Him and each other. As a society we are dependent on each other to survive. However, there is a huge difference between healthy dependency on others and codependency. We depend on others who are close to us to accomplish goals in our lives, but when we are codependent we are enabling unacceptable behaviors in order to appease a person who is causing harm or disruption in order to avoid being rejected. All of the characteristics of codependency are contrary to the Word of God.  Many Christians confuse operating in grace, mercy, and forgiveness with a lack of boundaries, consequences for actions, and discernment.

Codependency is a learned behavior pattern that is sin.  When you have faulty core beliefs based on fear, faulty identity, lack of faith, self protection, idolatry, and people pleasing, you think and operate in ways that are not in agreement to the Word of God.  You must tear down the faulty core beliefs that drive your emotions, speech patterns, and life skills so that you can be transformed.

When you operate in codependency you strive to fulfill your unmet needs.  In codependency you try to fill your emotional voids with pleasing and rescuing people and saving others from their behaviors and choices.  This in turn medicates your inner feelings of low self-worth, loneliness, fear, and is your attempt to get your needs met.  You operate in a fear of rejection and a fear of abandonment, and do whatever you deem necessary to meet your needs.  The problem is your emotional voids are not met by codependent traits; it is nothing but a vicious cycle.

Healthy relationships will never come from unhealthy behaviors and life skills. The answer is that you should seek God first to heal and meet your needs, and then everything else that you desire will be added to you through thinking and living in agreement with biblical principles. Codependency can be overcome by identifying the root thought processes and changing them. Then you can apply new life and relational skills for successful living.

Receive Codependency Counseling from our Certified specialist Dr. Michele. Empowering solutions for a more fulfilling life.

Learn how to identify and restore your thinking, core beliefs, life, and relationship skills so that you may experience the peace and joy that you desire through Online Christian counseling.

– Dr. Michele

“Empowering Solutions For A More Fulfilling Life!”