The Path of Negativity: Feeling, Thinking, and Responding

How often do you find yourself following the “Path of Negativity?” First one bad thing happens, then before you know it your entire day is ruined just as soon as it began. On a daily basis we all face both good and bad events beyond our control.  How we end up on the “Path of Negativity is determined by how we feel, think, and respond to situations. In short, when something bad happens, it is easy to instantly become negative, then continue to think negatively and make choices, conscious or subconscious, that reinforce and create more bad experiences. Naturally, you become unhappy with the outcome and lose confidence in yourself because once again you’re faced with a bad situation. Then, the cycle starts all over again. This forms into a pattern of a faulty core belief; a belief that no matter what you do or how hard you try, nothing will ever go right, make you happy, and you are destined to make bad decisions. Then it becomes part of your identity. You begin to label yourself as a looser, worthless, or someone who deserves bad things.

Many times when we have a negative life experience, we rely on our feelings about the situation and use those as a guide to control our thinking and decision making. If we rely on our emotions as our compass to guide us out of a bad situation, we probably won’t end up in a good place. Instead, it’s important to stop and realize what happened so you can respond in a positive way.

Many times, it’s the little things that push our buttons, and we allow them to set us up for more bad experiences. For example, you spill your morning coffee on your shirt. Of course you won’t be happy about that, but now you have a choice. You can yell and complain about your shirt being ruined and being late for work because you have to change. While you’re doing that, you’re feeding the negative emotions. You’re also likely becoming distracted. Next thing you know, you’re rushing to put on your shoes and you stub your toe. Where do your thoughts go? Are you thinking “this is not my day?” You are late for work, and you’re so upset about being late, that you take it out on your coworkers. As the day continues it’s easy to see everything that happens through the belief that this day nothing will work out for you. You keep looking for the next bad thing to happen because, after all, you believe nothing will work out for you today. By the end of the day, you’re exhausted and can’t wait to put the day behind you because so many bad things happened to you. All of that served to reinforce your core believe that when one bad thing happens, another is sure to follow.

The Bible gives us a very clear message about how our thoughts affect our lives:

“For as he thinks in his heart, so is he…” (Proverbs 23:7)

That doesn’t mean that we can stop all bad thing from happening to us, but it does me that we can control our responses, and in some cases, prevent more bad things from happening. At the very least, our attitude can change.

What if you made a different choice? You still spill your coffee on your shirt and you’re not happy, but you change your focus. You remind yourself it was an accident, and it happens to people all the time. You may still be rushed, but you’re not focusing on how awful the day already is, so you manage to avoid stubbing your toe. You may still be a little late for work, but you realize there is nothing you can do to change that. You can only change your response. If necessary, you can explain to your boss or coworkers, and it’s quite likely they’ve done the same thing before. With the right attitude, it may even give everyone a good laugh. Then, you can go about your day as planned. You’re not looking for the next bad thing to happen, so your stress level isn’t so high. At the end of the day, you look back and realize it was a day just like any other; it had its highs and lows. One spilled cup of coffee didn’t have the power to ruin your day because you didn’t let it. You didn’t listen to your emotions.

When we change our thinking and remind ourselves that one bad experience does not have to define us, we are able to better process negative events, both big and small. We learn not to dwell on the negative, and instead see how to process what happened and move forward. Keep your eyes open when something bad happens and don’t let it define you.

Dr. Michele

Copyright © by Michele Fleming Ph.D.